dinner with the ex

I’m not sure when the last time it was when we saw each other, probably on a corner downtown sharing a cigarette in the snow. In reality only two months had gone by since then, but it easily could have been something more like a year.

I can't explain what made me agree to dinner… maybe to validate the decision I had made, but more realistically it was probably to quietly pass judgment. I couldn’t wait to hear how miserable he was now that I was gone, how his penis hadn’t seen any action in months, how he was close to losing his job, how his hair is now receding… anything that would result in my clear superiority.

So we arrived at a small Persian restaurant I had never been to. Immediately the waiter insured awkwardness by seating us at the obvious romantic-date table next to the fireplace. Thanks to the safety buzz I was carrying from the two glasses of wine I drank before leaving for dinner, the typical catch-up conversation was almost familiar.

The waiter continued to contribute to the date ambiance with complimentary dessert for us to share with two spoons. Sliding the check on the table, he coyly gave a rose to the lady and the check to the gentleman. I gladly let him pay, after all I figured it was the least he could do.

This same time last year, we would have been at my mother’s house in Buffalo, half-stoned/half-drunk navigating through my mother’s affair with a married man, my older sister’s verbal outbursts, and my little sister’s shift toward all things that scream teenage angst.

But now we were sitting across from each other on what should have been an evening reserved for some happy couple on their first or second date, anxiously engaging in hand-sex. Seeing him now I realized how skinny he is or maybe he always had been. I immediately hated the new watch he was wearing. It was a throw back to something you’d find in a cereal box in 1984 that doubled as a calculator, but to me it was a clear indication of an attempt to overly portray the indie-rocker image he had always been struggling to achieve.

We survived the evening seemingly unscathed until just minutes before we were set to leave, he decided to abruptly announce, “So I’ve been on a few dates myself lately.” While I was aware this topic was lurking just under the surface of our meeting, I wasn’t expecting to actually go there. While I had already started dating someone new, I wasn’t about to bring it up and I definitely didn’t want to hear about his latest makeout buddies. But I won't lie... I smiled a little on the inside when I learned she was a bartender at the townie bar with a bachelor’s degree in peace and conflict studies.