untitled

I don’t know why this is so hard for me. I used to be able to blubber and gush in my writing but recently I feel like I’ve got an iron rod stuck up my spine stopping me from saying all the things I’ve wanted to say. There are so many times when I’m on the edge of telling you what I feel but feel suffocated beneath the sarcasm, the eye rolls and my coy way of pretending that I’m ‘just too cool.’ What you don’t know is that I feel unworthy every time you say that you love me because I never thought anyone ever would. And that I get embarrassed when you tell me I’m beautiful because I think I have a big nose and a big forehead and no one ever asked me to prom.

I never really thought I was special and I kind of hate it when you make me feel that way (but not really). I’m not used to anyone caring and in fact it makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable. You’re kind of my perfect guy and I wish I was your perfect girl. I want to be your prefect someone but, honestly, I get exhausted because I just don’t think I can compete. Most of the time I don’t think I live up to the hype. You’re [insert name here] and I’m someone who hasn’t had a single friend come visit me in Chicago.