one valentine with a side of mayo please

Brace yourself, you're about to encounter pure poetic genius:

The Other White Topping
Author: M.C. Awesome

I hope this present finds you surprised and a bit confused

So let me clear this up and explain how this gift is used

You can spread it on a sandwich, a BLT or some bread

Just apply to the bun with a knife… then spread

Miracle Whip and Hellmann’s are the brands atop the chart

If you ever see me shopping, you’ll find both in my cart

Reach for the Whip if looking for a lighter, smoother feel

Or ball up and grab the Hellmann’s for a pastier, manly meal

I hope these tips help as you indulge in this treat

And I hope you add extra on the next burger you eat

So on this VDay while at home, playing with your games

Think of me - spoon in hand - while enjoying your mayonnaise